1 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,836 ♪ There's a woman in my life ♪ 2 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,876 ♪ Who doesn't care for a thing ♪ 3 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,916 ♪ She don't wanna go out dancing ♪ 4 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,275 ♪ She just loves to stay in ♪ 5 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,271 ♪ She just cares about good loving ♪ 6 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,237 ♪ Never leaves me alone ♪ 7 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,356 ♪ If I'm not prepared for action ♪ 8 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,317 ♪ She goes out on her own ♪ 9 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,675 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 10 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,352 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 11 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,590 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 12 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,432 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,080 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 14 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,912 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 15 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,513 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard ♪ 16 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,192 ♪ I wish she'd leave me alone ♪ 17 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,999 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 18 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,752 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 19 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,035 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 20 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:06,519 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 21 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,477 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 22 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,790 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 23 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,313 ♪ Sometimes it gets so hard ♪ 24 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,073 ♪ I just don't wanna go home ♪ 25 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,991 ♪ If the feeling ever takes her ♪ 26 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,991 ♪ She don't care where we are ♪ 27 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,071 ♪ It's good loving in the disco ♪ 28 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,196 ♪ It's good loving in the car ♪ 29 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,510 Madam... champagne? 30 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,870 Or is there anything madam would? 31 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,479 Steward? 32 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,118 Steward? 33 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,315 Are you coming? 34 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:45,960 Oh, dear. 35 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,673 Oh, dear. 36 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,273 ♪ I wish the woman liked dancing ♪ 37 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,510 ♪ I wish she played the guitar ♪ 38 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,591 ♪ I'd like to teach her a new game ♪ 39 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,989 ♪ I feel a bit under par ♪ 40 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,752 ♪ I wish she played the piano ♪ 41 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,751 ♪ Before my knees hit the floor ♪ 42 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,831 ♪ I've got to get her to slow down ♪ 43 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,672 ♪ I think I've had it for sure ♪ 44 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,793 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 45 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,472 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 46 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,835 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 47 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,114 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 48 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,953 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 49 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,996 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 50 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,513 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard ♪ 51 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,875 ♪ I wish she'd leave it all alone ♪ 52 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,155 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 53 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,798 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 54 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:46,235 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 55 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,799 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 56 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,632 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 57 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,234 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 58 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,912 ♪ Sometimes it gets so hard ♪ 59 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,150 ♪ I just don't wanna go home ♪ 60 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,196 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 61 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,077 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 62 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,549 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 63 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,153 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 64 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,879 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 65 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,632 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 66 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,119 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard ♪ 67 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,872 ♪ I wish she'd leave me alone ♪ 68 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,598 Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I thought it was vacant. 69 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,354 Oh, my God. 70 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,753 I think I'd better go. 71 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,035 How do you do? How do you do? Yes. My name's er... 72 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,792 Theodore Valentine. 73 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,271 You know, when the flight's over, 74 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,998 you must come and have tea with me. 75 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,433 You'd love Mother. 76 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,476 She'd... she'd love you. 77 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,913 She... she's very... 78 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,156 Mother makes me wear them. The weather... 79 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,200 Ooh. 80 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,595 My glasses. Where... 81 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,149 Oh, crikey. 82 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,635 Mummy. Ooh. 83 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,197 What is the purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom? 84 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,829 I beg your pardon? I'm still deaf from the flying. 85 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,875 We are having to be very careful who we 86 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,879 are letting into this country, you know. 87 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,188 How did you get in? 88 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,265 Oh, blimey. I'm totally British. 89 00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:43,717 May I have the question again, please? 90 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,952 What is the purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom? 91 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,918 To make ze friends, with ze British. 92 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,753 Is the purpose of your visit business or pleasure? 93 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,592 Pleasure, definitely. 94 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,989 Ah, then you are here as a tourist? 95 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,868 I'm being reunited with my husband after a long separation. 96 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,919 Where is your husband now? 97 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,956 He's probably in the bath. 98 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,952 No, no. I mean, is he already in the United Kingdom? 99 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,315 Oh, yes. For a long time. 100 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,607 And how long do you intend to stay? 101 00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:16,710 With my husband? 102 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,475 No, in our United Kingdom? 103 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,514 Does it matter? I am an EEC citizen. 104 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,955 What are you going to be doing here? 105 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,678 A little bit of this, 106 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,194 and a little bit of that. 107 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,033 Oh, please. You must not be doing that. 108 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,554 You are giving me naughty thoughts. 109 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,993 Good. 110 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,036 Er, will you be seeking employment? 111 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,120 I hope not. 112 00:05:41,121 --> 00:05:42,759 What is your husband's occupation? 113 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,273 I am. 114 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,636 Oh, dearie me. How does he earn his living? 115 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,473 Ah, yes. In the service of his country. 116 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,790 Could you be more explicit, please? 117 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,871 Oh, yes, Monsieur. 118 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,996 I can be very explicit. 119 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,196 About your husband. 120 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,794 He is a very... 121 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,029 How you say? 122 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,314 High-up man. 123 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,628 Is he important? 124 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,233 Not impotent. 125 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,033 He has... other interests. 126 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,633 What is his position? 127 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,073 It varies. 128 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,118 What is his profession or calling, please? 129 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,952 He is ambassador. 130 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,395 Oh, yes. I am definitely developing. 131 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,914 My ribs are rippling. 132 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,276 My pectorals are positively pumping. 133 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,828 And my thorax is throbbing. 134 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,915 I must get some stronger elastic. 135 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,875 - Can I help you? - I am your mistress. 136 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,315 Oh, my God. 137 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,597 I knew she'd catch up with me one day. It's my own fault. 138 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,875 Wait a minute. What am I talking about? 139 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,876 I haven't got a mistress. 140 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,637 I don't have a mistress. 141 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,757 - You have now. - I repeat, how can I help you? 142 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,013 Well, to begin with, you can tell the 143 00:07:38,014 --> 00:07:39,958 ambassador that his wife is here. 144 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,200 Where? 145 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,037 Here. I am here. 146 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,917 Are you sure? 147 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,831 I'm positive I'm sure. 148 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,876 I didn't know the ambassador had a wife. 149 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,235 Now you know. 150 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,673 Madam. 151 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,755 Emmannuelle. Oh, what a wonderful surprise. 152 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,796 I was not expecting you today. 153 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,917 Otherwise I would have been at the airport to meet you. 154 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,758 You must forgive my masculine odour. I have been pumping iron. 155 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:14,840 What is that? 156 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,711 Er, weightlifting. 157 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,872 Still the same... athletic Emile. 158 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,401 A flabby ambassador with a derriere in pleats 159 00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:26,991 is no advertisement for his country. But you... 160 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,036 You, you haven't changed. 161 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,111 I flew Concorde to surprise you. 162 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,156 Ah, la belle Concorde. 163 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:37,916 How I love that long nose. So phallic. So Francophallic. 164 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,956 Ah, that reminds me. 165 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,316 You have not met my wonderful English butler, Loins. 166 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,436 Loins, this is my wife Emmannuelle. 167 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,751 She has been travelling all around the world and other places. 168 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,478 Cherie, Loins. 169 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:54,678 His Excellency meant Lyons, madam. My name is Lyons. 170 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,390 I prefer Loins. 171 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,675 Likewise, madam. 172 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,478 May I take your coat? 173 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,036 Come. Now I'm going to show you 174 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,429 all over the houses. 175 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,552 Emmannuelle, you're naked. 176 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,552 Sacre bleu. I forgot I wasn't wearing a dress. 177 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,476 - You're a naughty butler, Loins. - Yeah... 178 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,391 Yes, madam. 179 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,313 Yes, I think that is more appropriate 180 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,152 for the wife of an ambassador. 181 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,196 Phwoar. 182 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,459 Who was that, Lyons? 183 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,557 That, Mrs Dangle, is the new mistress. 184 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,636 Oh, fancy. 185 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,950 Things might start looking up. 186 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,792 I shouldn't be at all surprised. 187 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,110 Hey, who was that? 188 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,192 Richmond, that was the new mistress. 189 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,748 Fancy that. Things ought to start looking up. 190 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,471 I have missed you, Emile. 191 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,120 And I you, my love. 192 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,598 But don't forget our little arrangement 193 00:10:20,599 --> 00:10:23,115 still stands. As long as you don't object 194 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,487 to my body building, I don't object to 195 00:10:25,488 --> 00:10:27,716 you finding your pleasures elsewhere. 196 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,949 And... what if I should seek my pleasures with you? 197 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,349 Oh, no. I can't spare a drop of adrenaline. 198 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,908 You must think of me as a last resort. 199 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,205 Don't you want me just a little bit? 200 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,675 Yes, just a little bit. 201 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,115 Show me how good you are at weightlifting. 202 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,273 Lift me over your shoulders and carry me over to the bed. 203 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,634 Are you mad? 204 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,598 I've not yet learnt how to do a snatch and press. 205 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:57,276 Besides, I have a meeting with the Foreign Minister shortly. 206 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,079 And I have a meeting with the ambassador now. 207 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,116 I have an appointment. 208 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,476 We haven't made love since Paris, before you were posted here. 209 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:09,348 - Oh, surely it's not that long. - It's long enough. 210 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,440 Ooh. 211 00:11:10,441 --> 00:11:13,073 Come, bury your head in my bosom. 212 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,515 No, no. I should have to keep coming up for air. 213 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,279 I am in the mood for playing games. 214 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,794 - Try badminton, hockey, bowls. - Bowls? 215 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,889 Yes, bowls. The English are mad about 216 00:11:23,890 --> 00:11:25,634 bowls. Tennis bowl, volley-bowl. 217 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,073 Foot-bowl. All kinds of b... 218 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,273 Excuse me, sir. I hope I'm not intruding. 219 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,953 No, no, no. We were just discussing bowls. 220 00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:36,150 Bowls? 221 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,357 I was having a work-up. I mean I was getting worked out. 222 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,953 Having a work-out. 223 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,829 Yes. Will there be only fourteen 224 00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:44,953 guests for dinner this evening, sir? 225 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,349 Fourteen, yes. That is correct. 226 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,510 Then I shall inform Mrs Dangle. 227 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,154 Come and lie with me, Emile. 228 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,118 No, I must finish my exercises. 229 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,339 I can give you much nicer exercises. 230 00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:01,340 No. 231 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,877 - I am all hot for you. - Well, have a cold shower. 232 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,679 That's what you said last time and look what happened. 233 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,320 Oh, yes. I couldn't find the stopcock. 234 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,790 - Caught you. - Oh, it's you. 235 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,198 It is not nice to peep through keyholes. 236 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,280 Sorry. 237 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,594 You are very rude. 238 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:32,071 Gordon Bennett. They're having a phonographic orgy. 239 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,832 - Lift up your arms. - What for? 240 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:34,920 Up, up, up. 241 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,151 But I don't understand. Why should I lift? 242 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,515 There. That didn't hurt, did it? 243 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,239 - No, no, no. - Don't be shy, cheri. 244 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,834 I'm not shy, I'm circumspect. 245 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,514 Come on. Don't make a meal of it. It's my turn. 246 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,433 - But you are trembling. - Yes, of course, I'm cold. 247 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,520 I'll warm you up. 248 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,672 Oh, but why me? You can have Tom, Dick or Harry. 249 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,399 - I don't want Tom or Harry. - Oh. 250 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,675 She's got him in a leg lock. 251 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,359 Well, I used to do that when Henry was alive. 252 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,556 I'm sure you didn't do it after he was dead. 253 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,117 - Here, what's he doing? - Heavy breathing. 254 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,315 Ooh. 255 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,631 Oh, Richmond, I think you should have a look at this. 256 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,864 Do you think he ought to at his age? 257 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,349 It might jog his memory. 258 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,856 Here, what am I going to see? 259 00:13:20,857 --> 00:13:22,591 Well, it won't be the Muppet Show. 260 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,596 Is it... is it Starsky And Hutch? 261 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,717 If you ask me, it's more like Starkers And Crutch. 262 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,518 Hello, hello, hello. What's all this, then? 263 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,831 - It's what the butler saw. - Here. They're at it. 264 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:46,920 At what? 265 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,158 Here, hold my hat. Come on. Get off. 266 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,039 - Turn over. - No, no, I don't like. 267 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,317 - Emile, I am a woman. - Yes, so I've noticed. 268 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,675 I am your wife. You should not hide from me. 269 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,876 There's not much to hide. 270 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,599 Snow White meets the incredible shrinking man. 271 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,272 I will make you love me if it's the last thing I do. 272 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:11,395 Aargh. 273 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,958 I think she's knackered him. Come on. Back on the job. 274 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,109 Get off. 275 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,270 - What is the matter? - You've broken it. 276 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,430 Oh la la. Turn over and let me have a look. 277 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,195 No, no, not that. My back. I can't move. 278 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,829 - It's probably just cramp. - No, no. I'm in agony. 279 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,831 Straighten your legs. 280 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,071 I can't straighten anything. I'm completely bent. 281 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,993 - Bend back your toes. - I caaan't... Oh. 282 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,310 - Don't panic. - I can't panic, either. 283 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,400 Just lie still. 284 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,000 What else do you think I'm doing, you stupid fool? 285 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,356 I give up. I'm going to get changed and I'm going out. 286 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:47,440 What for? 287 00:14:47,441 --> 00:14:49,398 I want Leyland to drive me around London. 288 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:50,913 But what about me? 289 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,106 Don't worry, my dear. I'm sure you'll 290 00:14:53,107 --> 00:14:54,879 soon be feeling yourself again. 291 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,837 Is that you, Theodore? 292 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,434 Who were you expecting? General Amin? 293 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,097 I've warmed your slippers. They're in the oven. 294 00:15:15,098 --> 00:15:16,098 Thank you. 295 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,154 Warmed them? You've roasted them. 296 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,152 Oh, Mother, I do wish you wouldn't fuss over me so. 297 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,994 It's no trouble at all. I do it for your arthritis. 298 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,640 - I've never had arthritis. - There you are. It works. 299 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,757 Have you had your vitamin C tablet this morning? 300 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:35,840 Yes, Mother. 301 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,871 And your vitamin B tablet? 302 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,679 - Yes, Mother. - And your halibut oil capsule? 303 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,036 Yes. I've had so many pills, I'll soon need a stomach pump. 304 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,509 Prevention is better than cure. 305 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:50,195 Dr Jones said to me, "Mrs Valentine, 306 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,670 your son Theodore is very delicate." 307 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,593 With respect, Mother, when he said it, I was six months old. 308 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,035 He's a very clever doctor, Dr Jones. 309 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,510 If you were at death's door, he'd pull you through. 310 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,556 That's what I'm afraid of. 311 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,598 Theodore, you're sickening for something. 312 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,391 Mother, come and sit down. I want to talk to you. 313 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,480 Very well. 314 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,197 Now then, what shall we talk about? 315 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:24,239 Mother, I've met someone that's very dear to me. 316 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,117 Was it your Auntie Hilda, dear? 317 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,397 No, Mother. I've met this girl. 318 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,436 This wonderful girl. 319 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,476 Don't be silly. There's no such thing. 320 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,754 I think I'm in love. 321 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,115 Oh, nonsense. You're far too young. 322 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,430 I'm thirty-four, and a half. 323 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,715 But you've got your whole life in front of you. 324 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,110 You don't want to fritter it away on some slip of a girl. 325 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:49,512 But, Mother, she's exquisite. I know you'd like her. 326 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,034 I wouldn't count on it, dear. 327 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,760 I'm going to marry her. 328 00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:56,910 Nonsense. I'll never give you my permission. 329 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,154 I don't need your permission, Mother. 330 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,832 You're just like your father. 331 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,198 He went off with some slip of a girl and 332 00:17:04,199 --> 00:17:06,198 he never got my permission, either. 333 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,875 This your first time in London, is it? 334 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,916 Well, keep your ears peeled, 335 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,470 cos little old Leyland here's gonna give you the grand tour. 336 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,394 And why not? After all, I've lived here all my life, 337 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,436 even before I was born. 338 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,988 And believe me, no one knows better than I do 339 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,196 this is the greatest city in the world. 340 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,915 If you're feeling lonely, why don't you come up here? 341 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,356 No? Oh, well. It ain't compulsory. 342 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,990 Now up here you see is Oxford Street. 343 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,671 That's where the tourists come to do their shoplifting. 344 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,554 Oh, God. Laugh-a-minute Leyland, they call me, up the morgue. 345 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,598 Look, love. You can see a lot better from up here. 346 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,922 Ah, well, perhaps I should put it on automatic 347 00:18:28,923 --> 00:18:30,792 pilot and come back there with you. 348 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,316 Cos I'm driving you now, you know, in a Daimler pervertible. 349 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,199 The hood doesn't go down, but the chauffeur does. 350 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:49,357 Well, we're heading for Downing Street now, No.10. 351 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,908 You've heard of that? 352 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,380 Cos not many people know that No.12 Downing 353 00:18:54,381 --> 00:18:56,869 Street is the office of the government whips. 354 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,634 If you like that sort of thing. 355 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,439 I'm feeling very hot. 356 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,239 Yeah. I'm getting a bit warm myself. 357 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:12,030 Ah, now there's a sight to warm the cockles, Trafalgar Square. 358 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,873 And there it is, an inspiration to mankind. 359 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,433 Nelson's Column. 360 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,919 Lady Hamilton had it built to remember him by. 361 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,389 Mind you, with a column like that, 362 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,516 how could she forget him? 363 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,075 It never fails. 364 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,230 Next time round, I think I'll start here. 365 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,833 Thank you, Lady Hamilton. 366 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,319 I want to see the guards getting changed. 367 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,715 They are very... sexy, these guards. 368 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,792 When they get a butcher's at you, you'd better be on guard. 369 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,433 What is the matter with them? They never even looked at me. 370 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,637 Well, they're not allowed to, not on duty. 371 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,280 You could strip off in front of one of them guards, 372 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,033 and he wouldn't bat an eyelid. 373 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,076 We shall see about that. 374 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,236 Drive me to St James's Palace, Leyland. 375 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,629 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 376 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,312 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 377 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,789 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 378 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,472 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 379 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,869 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 380 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,712 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 381 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,392 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard ♪ 382 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,675 ♪ I wish she'd leave me alone ♪ 383 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,955 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 384 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,871 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 385 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,190 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 386 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,872 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 387 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,110 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 388 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,156 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 389 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:24,074 ♪ Sometimes it gets so hard I just don't want to go home ♪ 390 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,673 ♪ If the feeling ever takes her ♪ 391 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,115 ♪ She don't care where we are ♪ 392 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,758 ♪ It's good loving in the disco ♪ 393 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,308 ♪ It's good loving in the car ♪ 394 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,118 ♪ But if I don't keep her happy ♪ 395 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,599 ♪ She would leave me, she would ♪ 396 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,716 ♪ So I got to hang on in there ♪ 397 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,552 ♪ Hang on in there, hang on in there ♪ 398 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,677 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 399 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,716 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 400 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,631 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 401 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,472 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 402 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,790 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 403 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,791 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 404 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,711 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard ♪ 405 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,711 ♪ I wish she'd leave it all alone ♪ 406 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,711 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 407 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,995 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 408 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,036 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 409 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,680 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 410 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,274 ♪ The woman is love crazy she's out on her own ♪ 411 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,189 Hello there, ducky. 412 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,008 Emmannuelle. I hope you're going to 413 00:22:36,009 --> 00:22:38,032 wear something under that dress. 414 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,076 Oh, yes. Chanel ¹5. 415 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,583 No, no. Tonight you must be respectable. 416 00:22:42,584 --> 00:22:44,711 You must be on your best behaviour. 417 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:49,590 Everything you say and do will reflect on our beloved Republic. 418 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,592 But this is the latest from Paris. It shows style. 419 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,462 It shows more than that. It shows 420 00:22:54,463 --> 00:22:56,514 everything you've got. Well, almost. 421 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,670 - Why's that so terrible? - It's not nice. 422 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,986 How would you like it if men were to 423 00:23:00,987 --> 00:23:03,151 walk about in see-through trousers? 424 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,196 I would like this very much. 425 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,236 There is nothing wrong with the body. 426 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,118 There is no need to flash it all over the place. 427 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,636 I think we should all go round naked. We'd all be much healthier. 428 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,757 - We'd all be in bed with the flu. - Nudity is perfectly natural. 429 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,638 No, no. Even Adam and Eve had a fig leaf. 430 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,029 You must dress in a way that is befitting 431 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,395 for the wife of an ambassador. 432 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,597 Especially in view of our distinguished guests, 433 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,035 the Prime Minister, 434 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,756 the Metropolitan Commissioner of Police, 435 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:39,038 the ambassador for the United States of America, 436 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,120 Excuse me. 437 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,118 Field Marshal Hune, Chief of Staff, 438 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,795 the Arabian ambassador. 439 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:51,227 The Lord Chief Justice of the Appeals 440 00:23:51,228 --> 00:23:53,599 Court and Master of the Rolls, 441 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,478 Admiral, sir John Hardiner, 442 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,552 not to mention all their distinguished wives. 443 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,030 - How do you do? - Not very often, I'm afraid. 444 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,036 Too much bench, not enough wench. 445 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:12,473 I will say my wife is a better diplomat than I am. 446 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,996 Yes, I have it off with everybody. 447 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,077 Hit. Hit it off. 448 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,993 She means she hit it off with everybody. 449 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,675 Ah, yes. And what were you doing in the Far East, my dear? 450 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,877 Oh, nothing much. Sleeping around, mostly. 451 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:35,830 Er... she means sleeping around in many parts of the world. 452 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,912 Has it ever occurred to you 453 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,037 how easy it would be at an occasion such as this 454 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,917 to assassinate your husband? 455 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,996 Assassinate my husband? 456 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,513 Who would want to do that? 457 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,114 I would be more concerned about the method. 458 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,350 But... 459 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,716 How could anyone do such a thing here at the table? 460 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,732 Easily. A weapon could be concealed in a man's 461 00:25:00,733 --> 00:25:03,352 belt or in a holster strapped to his leg. 462 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,954 A lady could have a gun under her skirt. 463 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,678 Merde. 464 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,196 Assassinate my husband. 465 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,316 That is more appropriate. 466 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,718 Oh, I've dropped my earring. 467 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,407 May I help, my dear? 468 00:25:22,408 --> 00:25:25,476 No. Oh, no, no. It's ok. I can manage. 469 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,120 Thank you. 470 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,140 The cost of living must be brought down. 471 00:25:40,141 --> 00:25:41,141 Oh, I agree. 472 00:25:41,142 --> 00:25:42,916 Everything's going up these days. 473 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:48,549 You're so right. 474 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,603 The wheel has... turned full circle 475 00:25:52,604 --> 00:25:54,914 in my country now there's a... 476 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,276 definite trend towards the swing against the backlash. 477 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,399 Thank you. 478 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,198 I didn't say anything. 479 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:19,750 In my country, it is the duty of women to give pleasure to men. 480 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,638 I'm glad you agree. 481 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,438 Tell me, Admiral, 482 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,478 how do you enjoy the Navy? 483 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,632 Frankly, I can't stand the sea. It makes me bloody sick. 484 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:05,440 Anything wrong? 485 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,119 On the contrary. 486 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,317 Ooh, my goodness. What are you doing here? 487 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,038 I'm looking for a weapon. 488 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,190 Oh. You won't find one here. 489 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,555 - I'm trying to protect you. - Protect me? 490 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,675 I decided to get to know my husband's friends a little... 491 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,069 How you might say? 492 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:47,513 Better. 493 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,756 I was satisfied. 494 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,110 None of them had a weapon to worry about. 495 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,110 These have arrived for you, madam. 496 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:45,633 Oh, they're lovely. 497 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,279 They most certainly are, madam. 498 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,155 "To my darling adorable Emmannuelle. 499 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,519 With all my love, Theodore." 500 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,669 Loins, who is Theodore? 501 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,354 I haven't the slightest idea, madam. 502 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,396 I don't know any Theodores. 503 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,874 Oh, well. I always forget their names long 504 00:30:15,875 --> 00:30:18,874 before I forget the important things. 505 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,359 Tell me, Loins. 506 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,795 Do you, er... 507 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,836 believe in free love? 508 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,117 Anything free appeals to me, madam. 509 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:33,557 And... do I appeal to you? 510 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,149 Yes, madam. 511 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,471 Oh, Loins, you English are so frigid. 512 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,516 Perhaps not so. 513 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:46,269 After all, they do say the proof of the pudding is in the eating. 514 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,238 In the... eating? 515 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:50,753 Yes, madam. 516 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,836 Are you hungry, Loins? 517 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,151 I think I could manage a little nibble. 518 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:02,875 Coffee? 519 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,029 Pardon? 520 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,193 Are you for coffee? 521 00:31:05,194 --> 00:31:07,749 No, thanks. I'm staying here. I'd like coffee. 522 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,718 Yeah. He's in a world of his own, you know. 523 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,758 He hasn't been the same since he looked through that keyhole. 524 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,991 - I think it's disgusting. - What? Having it off? 525 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,914 Oh, don't be so crude. You men are all the same, sex mad. 526 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,956 Yeah, and proud of it. Richmond? 527 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,837 - Pardon? - Sex. 528 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,911 No, thanks. I'd rather have some coffee. 529 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,116 Ah, coffee. 530 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,474 Oh, here we are. 531 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,695 Here, me and Mrs Dangle, we've just 532 00:31:32,696 --> 00:31:34,712 been talking about having it off. 533 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,153 Rather you than me. 534 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,515 No, not together, you berk. 535 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,751 You've been a long time just taking up a bunch of flowers. 536 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,671 What have you been up to? 537 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,992 Er, nothing at all, really. Just a little intelligent conversation. 538 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,036 Loins, you forgot these. 539 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,873 You randy old retainer. 540 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,632 Could I have a cup of coffee? 541 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,790 You can have anything you want, madam. 542 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,316 Aye aye. You've started his motor running. Look. 543 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:05,753 Steady on, Richmond. 544 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,789 It's not proper, you being down below stairs. 545 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,633 Why not? We are all human beings. 546 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,733 There should be no class distinction. 547 00:32:15,734 --> 00:32:17,269 I believe in brotherly love. 548 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,078 Here, that's incest. 549 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,993 Love is the most important thing in the world. 550 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,115 Not to me, it isn't. 551 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,171 That's because you've forgotten what 552 00:32:25,172 --> 00:32:26,875 it's like to be loved by a man. 553 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,876 To feel the warmth of his body 554 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,712 next to yours, 555 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,031 to feel his hot kisses on your lips. 556 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,076 You've started him off again. 557 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,240 We'll have to start putting bromide in his coffee. 558 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,028 Making love is wonderful. You cannot 559 00:32:45,029 --> 00:32:47,480 be angry when you're making love. 560 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,198 Can't we talk about something else? 561 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,459 Oh, no, it's good to talk about it. It's 562 00:32:52,460 --> 00:32:54,637 important to get things off your breast. 563 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,918 Now, I will tell you what we are going to do. 564 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:04,870 We will all describe our most unusual amorous experience. 565 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:06,916 I couldn't possibly do that. 566 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,514 Oh, yes, you can. It will release your repressions. 567 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,556 Who is going first? 568 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,556 I'll go first. 569 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:15,680 Leyland. 570 00:33:15,681 --> 00:33:17,478 Very well, Leyland. You have the floor. 571 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,232 Face down, I hope. 572 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,880 My most unusual experience 573 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,354 occurred one warm balmy evening last spring 574 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,283 when this young man's fancy lightly 575 00:33:28,284 --> 00:33:29,716 turned to thoughts of lust. 576 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,394 Ooh, you fancy young men, do you? 577 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:33,480 Mrs Dangle. 578 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,036 Feeling in the need of company, 579 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,379 I transported myself to my favourite pub, 580 00:33:39,380 --> 00:33:41,477 the Tit And Sparrow up Camden Passage. 581 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,245 It took me but a pint to make contact with 582 00:33:47,246 --> 00:33:50,110 a beauteous chickie of the female gender 583 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,839 what would turn any civilised man into a beast. 584 00:33:53,880 --> 00:34:00,069 Despite my natural shy reluctance, she was insistent 585 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,116 to the point of desperation. 586 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,633 She whisked me off to her luxury flat in Mayfair. 587 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,656 Where to say her intentions were 588 00:34:15,657 --> 00:34:18,957 dishonourable would be an understatement. 589 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,828 No sooner did we reach her lavishly furnished penthouse 590 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:29,352 with the chandelier poised gracefully over the nuptial couch, 591 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,396 she removes my garmentation 592 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,436 in a flash. 593 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,117 Whisks me between the sheets. 594 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,012 I was about to satisfy herself with 595 00:34:58,013 --> 00:34:59,875 my irresistible masculinity, when... 596 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:02,269 Oh, my husband. 597 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:03,360 Her husband. 598 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,550 I shan't tell you exactly what happened 599 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,596 when she joined me in the closet. 600 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,952 The details... are too pornographic, even for you lot. 601 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,349 Suffice to say that, 602 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,396 despite the cramped confines, 603 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,313 we achieved mutual satisfaction. 604 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,149 Ho, ho, ho, ho. My hangers. 605 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,513 It seems the lady had an unusual hang-up. 606 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,353 She can only make love in a closet, 607 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:24,759 standing up. 608 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:26,796 She always arranged it that way. 609 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,475 I found out later she was known as the Closet Queen of Camden Town. 610 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,835 Richmond, you can go next. 611 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:33,920 Oh, thanks. 612 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:37,236 No, no. After all, he never gets a word in edgewise. 613 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,198 He'd be lucky to get anything in, edgewise or otherwise, 614 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:42,111 - if you ask me. - We didn't. 615 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,430 - Richmond. - Yeah? 616 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:45,669 I... 617 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,877 I'm not sure that I can remember all the details. 618 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:50,518 Oh, come on. 619 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,398 Tell us your most amorous escapade. 620 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,835 It's that far back, he won't remember. 621 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,195 Oh, yes, I do. 622 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,431 It was during the war, when I was in the army. 623 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,633 Oh, those were dark days. 624 00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:08,678 You never knew which minute was going to be your last. 625 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,596 You had to live dangerously, 626 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,956 and make every moment count. 627 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,031 I went to France to fight the enemy. 628 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,710 Ah. I surrender. 629 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,756 Dans Les Bois, avec moi. 630 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:42,398 Avec what? 631 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,436 Oh, God. 632 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,276 It's never like this in Putney. 633 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:58,119 Ah. Ah, I surrender again. Ah. 634 00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:04,240 Komm. 635 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,791 Hands hoch, in the name of the Reich. 636 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,310 Not you, Fraulein. The British soldier. 637 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,356 Kurt, take ze prisoner away. 638 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,433 Now, Fraulein, you are quite safe. 639 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:38,351 Oh, thank you. 640 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,032 You are a fine-looking woman. 641 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,553 Oh, naughty, naughty. 642 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,029 - I like you. - Oh, cheeky. 643 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,554 - I am going to have you. - No, no, you're not. 644 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:50,315 Yes, I am. I need to caress a beautiful woman. 645 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,630 You're going to get a hell of a shock if you do. 646 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,676 Come, I want to have you. 647 00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:58,949 Gott im Himmel. 648 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:04,479 Englische Schweinhund. 649 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:16,805 Yes, my daughter? 650 00:39:16,806 --> 00:39:18,917 The Germans are after me, Father. 651 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,087 Oh, mon Dieu. Don't worry, my child. You 652 00:39:21,088 --> 00:39:23,073 can stay here for as long as you like. 653 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,151 Yes? Where will I sleep? 654 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,390 My niece won't mind you sharing her room. 655 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,152 - Your niece? But... - Colette? 656 00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,515 Non, it's impo... possible. 657 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,158 Come along, my child. 658 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,836 For what I am about to receive... 659 00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:40,880 thanks. 660 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,595 And I stayed there till 1953. 661 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,272 Just a minute. 662 00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,794 The war ended in 1945. 663 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,836 I was in no hurry. 664 00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:58,470 Loins. Now it's your turn. 665 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:01,796 Well, my most unusual amorous experience, 666 00:40:01,797 --> 00:40:04,071 believe it or not, took place at the zoo. 667 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,356 Went to see his relatives. 668 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,633 Come on, Loins. Tell us about the zoo. 669 00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:14,950 Well, it was a lovely day. 670 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,755 And all around me there was evidence 671 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,558 that spring was in the air. 672 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,199 What's the matter? 673 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:30,679 Come here, darling. 674 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,036 Let me out. 675 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,076 Help. 676 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,516 Here, did you get anything? 677 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:20,600 Pneumonia. 678 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,990 Mrs Dangle, your turn. 679 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:28,040 Very well. 680 00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,036 I shall reveal everything. 681 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,398 Well, if you're going to strip, I'm going. 682 00:42:32,399 --> 00:42:33,399 Sit down. 683 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:38,756 My most unusual experience happened in a launderette. 684 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,256 As anyone knows, launderettes are better 685 00:42:41,257 --> 00:42:43,436 than pubs if you're after a pick-up. 686 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,078 I didn't know that. 687 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,277 If you ever get around to washing your clothes, you'll find out. 688 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,517 Now, this particular day, the place was full. 689 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:54,828 Unattached people. 690 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,836 Course, you get all types in there. 691 00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,480 But then, I prefer all types 692 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,232 to other types. 693 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:03,833 Through long experience, 694 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,483 and if there's one thing I've had more 695 00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:08,914 than anything else, it's experience, 696 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,000 all you do, 697 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,793 if you're on the make, is you say something like, 698 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,519 Excuse me, dear, can I borrow some of your suds? 699 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:22,910 And if that doesn't work, you say, 700 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,514 My, but you've got some saucy underpants. 701 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,747 But despite my unusual attractiveness 702 00:43:30,748 --> 00:43:33,430 and highly reclaimed sex appeal 703 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:37,798 that day didn't get off to a very promising start. 704 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:39,791 But sometimes, 705 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,394 when you least expect it, 706 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:47,600 you see a stranger across a crowded launderette. 707 00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:00,636 ♪ Striptease instrumental ♪ 708 00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:01,868 I knew, when I first laid my eyes on his Y-fronts, 709 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:02,960 I knew... 710 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:07,280 that he 711 00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:10,560 was the one. 712 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:48,473 Thank you, Mrs Dangle, 713 00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,676 for a most unbelievable experience. 714 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,513 And now I think it's time for you, madam. 715 00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,909 - Hear, hear. - Hear, hear. 716 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,709 Well, I fear, in comparison, mine may seem rather dull. 717 00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:02,910 I really don't have your imagination. 718 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,036 Why, don't you believe it, darling. 719 00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,793 They'll be queuing up for the film rights to yours. 720 00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:09,836 Well, all right. 721 00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,119 My most unusual amorous affair, 722 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,390 you may find it hard to believe, 723 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:18,913 was with my husband. 724 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,235 He has not always been the man you know. 725 00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,325 Not very long ago, he was one of the 726 00:46:24,326 --> 00:46:26,438 dashing young sons of la belle France, 727 00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,957 with an appetite for the exotic amour almost equal to my own. 728 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:35,518 We made love in wild, crazy places, 729 00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,830 beautifully, 730 00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,718 elementally, in the air. 731 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:55,598 It was all so wonderful, so dangerous. 732 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,916 Hemingway said, "To make love beautifully 733 00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,956 is to die a little each time." 734 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:35,033 Unfortunately, Emile very soon saw the point. 735 00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:43,480 Aargh. 736 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:49,117 Aaargh. 737 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:54,195 Poor Emile. 738 00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:58,432 But now I think we all understand the master's shortcomings. 739 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:17,120 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 740 00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:18,918 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 741 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,116 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 742 00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:22,633 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 743 00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:25,678 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 744 00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,478 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 745 00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:28,959 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard ♪ 746 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,110 ♪ I wish she'd leave me alone ♪ 747 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,476 Pardon me, madam, there's a young man who wishes to see you. 748 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,278 Does he have a name? 749 00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,999 I believe he said Theodore Valentine. 750 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,036 Oh, yes, I remember him. 751 00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,236 He's the one I don't remember. 752 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,550 Quite, madam. 753 00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,065 Oh, well, better keep him waiting a 754 00:48:48,066 --> 00:48:50,760 moment while I make myself respectable. 755 00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,229 There, that should do it. 756 00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,958 I do wish you wouldn't lie about in this abandoned fashion. 757 00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:11,112 It's not good for the servants to see you topless. 758 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,749 - I've had no complaints. - No, you are bold. 759 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,593 I've never seen anyone so bold. 760 00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:20,877 Ah, why don't you stay here and we can be bold together? 761 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,188 No, I haven't time. I have a meeting 762 00:49:23,189 --> 00:49:25,476 with the Minister of Foreign Affairs. 763 00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:26,560 Oh, him? 764 00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,319 He doesn't have any affairs. That's his problem. 765 00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,317 Unlike you, I don't judge everyone by the 766 00:49:31,318 --> 00:49:33,188 amount of dilly-dallying they get up to. 767 00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,477 You're always too busy to do the things I like. 768 00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:40,269 I'm sure you don't need me to help you do the things you like. 769 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,294 But I like doing the things I like with 770 00:49:42,295 --> 00:49:44,035 you, as well as with others I like. 771 00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,759 Sooner or later, you are going to ruin our marriage 772 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:50,276 if you insist on trying to drag me into your silly amours. 773 00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,635 And for goodness' sake, cover yourself up. 774 00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:55,636 Tell her to cover herself up. 775 00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:12,028 Emmannuelle? 776 00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:13,348 Yes, Monsieur. 777 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,396 It's me, Theodore. 778 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,631 Don't you remember me? 779 00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:20,720 Non. 780 00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:22,494 But you haven't looked at me yet. 781 00:50:22,495 --> 00:50:24,036 I don't recognise your voice. 782 00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:25,120 Look at me. 783 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:30,438 Well? 784 00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:32,033 You look familiar. 785 00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:33,120 Concorde. 786 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,116 Oh, yes. 787 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,519 Oh, yes. 788 00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:37,999 That was very funny. 789 00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,275 I didn't think so. 790 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,316 Didn't you? Well, I mean... 791 00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,197 Wasn't it... good? 792 00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,158 Well, it was... 793 00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:50,278 different. 794 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:52,032 Didn't it mean anything to you? 795 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,396 Oh, yes. I will always fly Concorde in future. 796 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,010 Since that wonderful night, I haven't 797 00:50:58,011 --> 00:51:00,873 slept, or eaten, or even cleaned my teeth. 798 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:03,918 You don't need to clean your teeth if you haven't eaten. 799 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:05,877 I have fallen in love. 800 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,518 Oh, you poor boy. 801 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:08,600 Who with? 802 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:09,675 Who do you think? 803 00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,034 Is it anyone I know? 804 00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:12,269 It's you, of course. 805 00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,157 Oh. 806 00:51:14,240 --> 00:51:18,438 I say, I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even... 807 00:51:20,240 --> 00:51:21,593 not even my own mother. 808 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:23,840 Emmannuelle, 809 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,438 I want to marry you. 810 00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,193 Oh, I'm done. Shower time. 811 00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:29,280 Oh, no. 812 00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:33,520 Oh. 813 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,991 You may enter, Monsieur Concorde. 814 00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:53,955 Did you hear what I said? I want to marry you. 815 00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,032 If you want to marry me, you will have to ask my husband. 816 00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,190 But I don't want to marry your husband. 817 00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:00,793 I should hope not. 818 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:01,880 Do you love him? 819 00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:04,195 - Sometimes. - You don't sound sure. 820 00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,874 Oh, yes. I'm sure I love him sometimes. 821 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,428 Well, will you be prepared to leave him for me? 822 00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:12,034 Certainly not. Not for you or anyone. 823 00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,953 Why did you give yourself to me like that in the Concorde? 824 00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,713 You mustn't think that because I made love to you 825 00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,075 that you are entitled to any landing rights. 826 00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:23,311 - I think I'd better go. - Oh, you can stay if you wish. 827 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:24,674 I have a free morning. 828 00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:27,872 My towel, please. 829 00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:43,020 Now, look, I shall never make love to you again 830 00:52:43,021 --> 00:52:45,349 until you promise your undying love for me. 831 00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,396 I wouldn't be too sure about that. 832 00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:50,838 You can't tempt me again. 833 00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:52,831 No? 834 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:53,920 Keep away from me. 835 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,036 - You said you love me. - Yes, but I do. 836 00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:57,120 Show me. 837 00:52:58,120 --> 00:52:59,235 Theodore. 838 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,996 Oh, Theodore, you have wet yourself. 839 00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,799 There we are, darling. All tucked in. 840 00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,633 Nice and clean. Night-night. 841 00:53:11,720 --> 00:53:13,233 Night-night, Mummy. 842 00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,312 What are we going to dream about tonight, darling? 843 00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:17,913 Not her. 844 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,000 Why not? 845 00:53:19,001 --> 00:53:20,594 Well, she'll only bring you trouble. 846 00:53:21,229 --> 00:53:22,229 Yes. 847 00:53:22,230 --> 00:53:23,995 Have you dreamt about her before? 848 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,230 Yes, often, night and day. 849 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,197 Oh, you are in a state. 850 00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,555 - I dreamt about her last night. - Did you? 851 00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,073 No, she wouldn't let me. 852 00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:35,472 I must ring Dr Jones. 853 00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:36,709 What can he do? 854 00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,872 Well, he can give you an injection or... something. 855 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:40,960 What for? 856 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,276 - Well, for whatever you've got. - I like what I've got. 857 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,316 Well, I don't. 858 00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:48,470 And I'm going to do something about it. 859 00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:51,913 Night-night, darling. 860 00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:01,106 Now it's time for your afternoon 861 00:54:01,107 --> 00:54:04,238 body-building session with Harry Hernia. 862 00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,309 Now, this afternoon, I'm gonna show you 863 00:54:15,310 --> 00:54:17,958 how to build up your stomach muscles. 864 00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,996 I don't think I got any. 865 00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,036 Are you ready? 866 00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,076 I am all yours, Harry. 867 00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,751 - You're at it again. - So is he, listen. 868 00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:33,796 Let's all lie down on the floor. 869 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,075 Ooh, it's very hard. 870 00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:39,869 Now, raise your legs in the air. 871 00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,269 Ooh, no, I feel it. 872 00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,113 - Who's he got in there? - I don't know. I can't see. 873 00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:50,200 Loins. 874 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:52,828 What are you doing? 875 00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:56,435 Er, I was just tying my shoelace, madam. 876 00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,034 Yes, and I was helping him. 877 00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,355 But, Loins, your shoes have no laces. 878 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,112 Oh, I... 879 00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:09,674 Madam, I... 880 00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:13,553 I'm back. 881 00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:16,318 Ah, yes, dear. 882 00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:17,879 It's warm out. 883 00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,630 You don't care what I do. 884 00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:25,553 Today... 885 00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:33,594 Today I made love to 14 soldiers, 21 sailors, and 16 airmen. 886 00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,636 The Prime Minister announced 887 00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:39,679 that the morale of the defence forces has never been higher. 888 00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:41,113 What did you say? 889 00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:43,400 Nothing. 890 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,796 Why haven't your muscles 891 00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:49,997 - developed like that? - They will, eventually. 892 00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,036 You'll never match that gorgeous hunk. 893 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:54,839 I don't expect to match him. 894 00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:58,117 That's Harry Hernia. He has the most highly developed 895 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,159 rectus femoris in the whole of Britain. 896 00:56:02,240 --> 00:56:03,434 Has he? 897 00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:12,680 Bye-bye this afternoon, and don't forget your exercises. 898 00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,149 Tonight they are going to proclaim him 899 00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:17,196 Mr Super Muscle. 900 00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:19,713 Do you know him? 901 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:24,476 Of course. Yes. I have lessons from him in pumping iron. 902 00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,828 I think I would like to meet him. 903 00:56:26,829 --> 00:56:27,836 Whatever for? 904 00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:30,879 Body building. 905 00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:48,834 - Where do you sleep? - On the mat. 906 00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,313 - Where do you sit? - Sitting's bad for the posture. 907 00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,039 You either stand, squat, or lie down. 908 00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:58,076 - Mind if I squat? - Surely. 909 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:02,313 - Want something? - Depends what you have in mind. 910 00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:04,400 Drink, maybe. 911 00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:06,720 Maybe. 912 00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:07,954 Ok. 913 00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,391 Oxo or Bovril? 914 00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:14,516 Don't you have something else? 915 00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,989 Sure. How about a glass of milk? 916 00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:18,433 No, thank you. 917 00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:33,990 What do you want to do? 918 00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,992 Depends what you... have in mind. 919 00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:38,115 A work-out, maybe. 920 00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:40,634 - A work-out? - Sure. 921 00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:42,676 What do you want me to do first? 922 00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:45,399 Now come on, lady, let's take your clothes off. 923 00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:51,878 Oh, can you help me with the zip? 924 00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,316 Why, sure. Now let me get my things off. 925 00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:59,031 Can I help you? 926 00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:00,519 I can manage. 927 00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:04,190 Now take a look at this. 928 00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,874 It's a beaut? What do you think of that? 929 00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:12,312 Incroyable. I've never seen anything that big. 930 00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:16,516 Now let's have a look at you. 931 00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:24,989 Well, what's the verdict? 932 00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:27,594 You definitely need more exercises. 933 00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,910 How about making love? 934 00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:31,638 Very good exercise. 935 00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:35,235 Builds up your lumber, and your rectus abdominus. 936 00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:37,515 But it's off my training programme. 937 00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:39,556 - Oh, that's a pity. - Sorry, darling. 938 00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,684 It's the Mr Muscles contest and I want 939 00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:43,519 to win that title before I retire. 940 00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:45,272 That'll make it a hat trick. 941 00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:49,876 I'm determined to go out with a bang. 942 00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,599 That's exactly what I had in mind. 943 00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:56,158 Ambassador's residence. 944 00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:59,868 Well, I'm sure that madam is asleep right now. 945 00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:04,468 Very well, sir. Are you sure it's urgent? 946 00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:07,916 Yes, well, hold on one moment, please. 947 00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:21,636 Madam? 948 00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:33,469 Madam? 949 00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:42,910 Wake up, madam. There is a call for you. 950 00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,512 Madam, wake up, please. He says it's urgent. 951 00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:48,953 Who is that? 952 00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:51,589 Ah, Loins. 953 00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:54,114 What is it? 954 00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:56,998 A phone call. 955 00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:59,036 I believe it's a gentleman friend. 956 00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:00,712 Tell him I'm out. 957 01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:03,598 He already knows that you're in, madam. 958 01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:05,477 Take a message. 959 01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:06,879 I did. 960 01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:07,960 What was it? 961 01:00:07,961 --> 01:00:09,679 He says that he wants to speak to you. 962 01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:16,196 Allo? 963 01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,032 - Who is this? - It's me. 964 01:00:18,120 --> 01:00:20,270 Theodore. Are you alone? 965 01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:23,397 - I'm in bed. - Yes, but are you alone? 966 01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:25,436 What do you want? 967 01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:27,476 - I had to ring you. - Why? 968 01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,831 Because... I want to tell you that I love you. 969 01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:32,512 You love me? 970 01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,636 Oh, Loins. 971 01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:37,075 - Pardon? What did you say? - Oh, nothing. 972 01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:38,354 I love you. 973 01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,477 Theodore, you don't fall in love with someone like me. 974 01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:43,471 Why not? 975 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:45,676 It's out of character. 976 01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:47,910 Ooh. 977 01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,479 Loins. 978 01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,358 - Loins? You called me Loins. - I didn't call you Loins. 979 01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:54,954 I called Loins Loins. 980 01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:57,554 Is Loins... Is Lyons in bed with you? 981 01:00:57,640 --> 01:01:01,553 Ah, no. He's just a butler. Don't be silly. 982 01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:03,596 He brought me a cup of tea. 983 01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,221 I want you to promise me to give up all 984 01:01:07,222 --> 01:01:09,238 those men and come and live with me. 985 01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:10,958 And Mother. 986 01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:15,153 He wants me to promise to give up all those other men 987 01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:18,118 and come and live with him... and Mother. 988 01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,356 I don't think that's a very good idea. 989 01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,079 - Why not? - I'm happy where I am. 990 01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,236 How can you say that? 991 01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:32,276 Nobody loves you like I do. 992 01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:34,157 You're not in a position to refuse. 993 01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:36,674 I'm in a position to do anything I want. 994 01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:39,888 If you don't do what I ask, I shall 995 01:01:39,889 --> 01:01:41,879 be forced to do something drastic. 996 01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:46,035 Now you're laughing at me again. 997 01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:49,432 Goodbye, Theodore. 998 01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:51,272 Don't call us. 999 01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:52,839 We'll call you. 1000 01:01:55,680 --> 01:01:58,672 Oh, come on, Loins. It's time to get up. 1001 01:01:58,760 --> 01:01:59,988 Very well, madam. 1002 01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:09,110 Emmannuelle, come along. You know that... 1003 01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:11,634 Emmannuelle, what on earth are you wearing? 1004 01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:13,874 You're the one who's always complaining 1005 01:02:13,875 --> 01:02:15,759 about me walking around uncovered. 1006 01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:17,956 I was hoping you would be ready. 1007 01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:23,153 I am, cheri. I'm always ready. Let's go into the library. 1008 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:26,312 Yes... I don't want to go into the library to read books. 1009 01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:27,549 Neither do I. 1010 01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:31,076 We are supposed to be attending an official function. 1011 01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:33,562 I don't want to go to your function. I do not 1012 01:02:33,563 --> 01:02:35,756 like your functions. They are all boring. 1013 01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:39,389 This is a football match. I am to present a cup. 1014 01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:42,166 A football match, with all those 1015 01:02:42,167 --> 01:02:45,271 young, healthy men with big thighs? 1016 01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,828 But if you don't want to go, I can't make you. 1017 01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:50,480 Oh, give me time to get changed. 1018 01:02:57,880 --> 01:02:59,029 What kept you? 1019 01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:18,635 Get out there, quick. 1020 01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:41,592 Oi. 1021 01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,156 Come on. Get out. You're on. 1022 01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:57,917 Where are the players? 1023 01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:24,958 - Allo? - Hello, Harry Hernia here. 1024 01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:27,349 Remember the other night? 1025 01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:30,000 Well, my trainer says it's ok until Friday, 1026 01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:32,036 so how about it? 1027 01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,839 - Where are you? - I'll meet you in ten minutes 1028 01:06:34,920 --> 01:06:36,876 outside your garden gate. 1029 01:06:53,920 --> 01:06:56,388 Oh la la, Harry. 1030 01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:59,552 I know you are a big man, but this is ridiculous. 1031 01:07:00,428 --> 01:07:01,428 Move. 1032 01:07:01,429 --> 01:07:03,910 Must I? It's very nice like this. 1033 01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:05,000 Get in. 1034 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:18,660 Start the car. 1035 01:07:18,661 --> 01:07:22,035 Theodore, what is this all about? 1036 01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:23,872 How do you know it's me? 1037 01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:26,960 Start the car. 1038 01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,036 I will not. I'm going to have dinner with 1039 01:07:29,037 --> 01:07:30,879 my husband and the Foreign Secretary. 1040 01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:33,315 They can wait. I'm kidnapping you. 1041 01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:36,949 That's crazy. My husband wouldn't give you one franc to get me back. 1042 01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:39,686 Not for ransom. I'm making you my prisoner. 1043 01:07:39,687 --> 01:07:41,670 I'm going to keep you to myself. 1044 01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:43,113 That's ridiculous. 1045 01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:47,034 I warn you. I'm desperate. Start the car. 1046 01:07:48,120 --> 01:07:49,269 Non. 1047 01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:51,715 - Why not? - I can't drive. 1048 01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:54,314 Oh, God. Why didn't you tell me? 1049 01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:57,437 - You didn't ask me. - Change over. 1050 01:07:57,520 --> 01:07:58,520 Go on. 1051 01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,869 Oh. Oo-hoo. 1052 01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:05,916 It was worse on the Concorde. 1053 01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:11,194 If you wanted to kidnap me properly, 1054 01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:12,882 you should have sneaked into my 1055 01:08:12,883 --> 01:08:14,795 bedroom in the middle of the night, 1056 01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:17,319 chloroformed me, 1057 01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:20,949 and carried me over your back to the car in a sack. 1058 01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:23,315 I thought of that, only I've got a bad back. 1059 01:08:30,440 --> 01:08:33,557 - You can't drive with one hand. - Yes, I can. 1060 01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:35,640 Theodore. 1061 01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:39,036 - You're not going to kidnap me. - I am. 1062 01:08:39,120 --> 01:08:40,633 Aargh. 1063 01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:44,148 - I don't think so. - I can't drive lying down. 1064 01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:46,674 Who is talking about driving? 1065 01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:48,716 Ah, there, now don't. No, stop. 1066 01:08:49,760 --> 01:08:51,193 Don't. 1067 01:08:51,280 --> 01:08:52,918 Stop. 1068 01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:55,439 Don't stop. 1069 01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:59,593 Oh, Emmannuelle, you're making it very hard for me. 1070 01:09:15,720 --> 01:09:17,709 Emmannuelle, I may have to do something 1071 01:09:17,710 --> 01:09:19,599 ruthless to bring you to your senses. 1072 01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:24,269 My editor won't be interested if it's not authentic. 1073 01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,395 It's authentic, all right. I've got 1074 01:09:26,396 --> 01:09:28,148 the pictures here to prove it. 1075 01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:30,879 Well, now, what else has this broad been up to? 1076 01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:32,279 It's all down there. 1077 01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:36,278 What's that? 1078 01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:39,397 Blimey. And that was with the chauffeur, right? 1079 01:09:39,480 --> 01:09:40,913 Yeah, that's right. 1080 01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:45,519 We'll need substantiation before we can run this. 1081 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:48,876 I've got everything, photographs, names, places, dates. 1082 01:09:48,960 --> 01:09:50,916 And all on affidavits. 1083 01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:53,956 Foreplay with the butler. 1084 01:09:54,040 --> 01:09:56,302 Did you use a wide-angle lens on this? 1085 01:09:56,303 --> 01:09:57,350 I certainly did. 1086 01:09:58,400 --> 01:09:59,913 Aha. Menage a trois 1087 01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:03,754 with a Soviet ambassador and a KGB man at the Soviet embassy. 1088 01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:05,831 Sounds like a case of "reds on the bed". 1089 01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:11,715 Algolagnia with the Minister of Sport. 1090 01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:13,870 - What's that? - I don't know. Here... 1091 01:10:15,440 --> 01:10:17,908 Algo... algolagnia... 1092 01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:21,356 Spanking. Here, you should know about that, you old devil. 1093 01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:24,634 When it used to happen to me, I didn't 1094 01:10:24,635 --> 01:10:26,474 know you were supposed to enjoy it. 1095 01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:28,278 Theodore, 1096 01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:32,114 what does "coitus interruptus with the Prime Minister" mean? 1097 01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:35,510 It means, Mother, that the Prime Minister's a very busy man. 1098 01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:40,958 Pygmalionism: amorous attraction directed towards a statue. 1099 01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:44,036 Stone the pigeons. 1100 01:10:44,120 --> 01:10:46,111 What next? 1101 01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:49,715 Accepted her punishment from the Lord Chief Justice. 1102 01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:53,031 A bit of habeas corpus with the police commissioner. 1103 01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:57,398 Played strip Monopoly with the chairman of the Bank of England, 1104 01:10:57,480 --> 01:10:59,369 and got herself in a very united 1105 01:10:59,370 --> 01:11:01,553 state with the American ambassador. 1106 01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:03,596 Let me have a look. 1107 01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,635 I haven't got my glasses. 1108 01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:10,214 Aphrodite callipygous with the guest 1109 01:11:10,215 --> 01:11:13,113 conductor of the Royal Symphony Orchestra. 1110 01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:16,875 - Aphrodite calli... callipygous. - It's all Greek to me. 1111 01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:21,033 It says, "Scopophilia is the more urgent form of voyeurism." 1112 01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:26,354 The need to watch others undress. 1113 01:11:26,440 --> 01:11:29,000 Blimey, I've had that for years. 1114 01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:30,869 Not with an entire football team. 1115 01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,311 No, I'm a rugby man, mate. 1116 01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:33,799 Different shaped balls. 1117 01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:37,077 Because of his wife's alleged misconduct in high places, 1118 01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,583 the President of the Republic has indicated 1119 01:11:39,584 --> 01:11:41,676 that the ambassador may be dismissed. 1120 01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:44,479 Because of the allegations, the Soviet ambassador 1121 01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,619 sought political asylum in the Soviet 1122 01:11:46,620 --> 01:11:49,111 Union... I beg your pardon. That should read, 1123 01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:51,498 "The Soviet ambassador today was sent to 1124 01:11:51,499 --> 01:11:53,796 a political asylum in the Soviet Union." 1125 01:11:53,880 --> 01:11:57,111 The Prime Minister said today, "There's nothing to deny. 1126 01:11:57,200 --> 01:11:59,668 What good is proof without the evidence?" 1127 01:11:59,760 --> 01:12:01,716 The American ambassador said, 1128 01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:04,792 "Why don't you off and mind your own business?" 1129 01:12:04,880 --> 01:12:07,519 - Will you all stand back? - Could you move back? 1130 01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:09,591 Move back, please, sir. Thank you. 1131 01:12:09,592 --> 01:12:10,990 Where's the ambassador? 1132 01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:13,071 - Where's Emmannuelle? - Any statement? 1133 01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:15,873 The ambassador and his lady wife have asked 1134 01:12:15,874 --> 01:12:18,154 me to tell you they are not at home. 1135 01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:21,630 And even if they were, the answer would be, "No comment." 1136 01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:24,678 Hey, butler. You're the butler. You must have seen something. 1137 01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:26,876 Yeah, tell us what the butler saw. 1138 01:12:26,960 --> 01:12:28,951 - No comment. - Is it true 1139 01:12:29,040 --> 01:12:30,972 that she had an affair with the all 1140 01:12:30,973 --> 01:12:32,635 the domestic staff except you? 1141 01:12:32,720 --> 01:12:34,551 Is that true? 1142 01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:36,437 That, sir, is quite untrue. 1143 01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:38,875 Ah, then the butler did do it. 1144 01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:41,874 No comment. 1145 01:12:44,200 --> 01:12:46,350 Don't like Harold Hump. Can't stand him. 1146 01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:49,079 That's funny. He can't stand you, either. 1147 01:12:49,160 --> 01:12:51,116 - Will you be quiet and listen? - All right. 1148 01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:54,112 Hello, good evening, good night and welcome. 1149 01:12:55,240 --> 01:12:57,470 Not since the Keeler affair, or Watergate 1150 01:12:57,560 --> 01:13:01,075 has public interest been so aroused in the affairs of state. 1151 01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:04,755 I refer, of course, to the case of Madame Emmannuelle Prevert. 1152 01:13:07,400 --> 01:13:11,359 Now Madame Prevert has consented, and I use the word advisedly, 1153 01:13:11,440 --> 01:13:13,874 to be interviewed for the very first time. 1154 01:13:22,040 --> 01:13:23,837 - Madame Prevert. - Pray-ver. 1155 01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:25,273 I beg your pardon. 1156 01:13:30,400 --> 01:13:32,541 Madame Prevert, thank you for allowing 1157 01:13:32,542 --> 01:13:34,188 me to set the record straight 1158 01:13:34,280 --> 01:13:36,874 - for our viewers. - Not at all. 1159 01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:38,953 Will you now take this opportunity to 1160 01:13:38,954 --> 01:13:40,999 deny the allegations made against you? 1161 01:13:41,080 --> 01:13:42,080 Non. 1162 01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:45,635 You won't take the opportunity? Or you won't deny them? 1163 01:13:45,720 --> 01:13:47,711 - Which? - Both. 1164 01:13:47,800 --> 01:13:49,313 He won't catch madam. 1165 01:13:49,400 --> 01:13:50,879 Quite. Yeah. 1166 01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:53,872 Do you deny the allegations that have been made against you? 1167 01:13:53,960 --> 01:13:54,960 No. 1168 01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:56,792 Don't you mean yes? 1169 01:13:56,880 --> 01:13:58,711 No, I mean no. 1170 01:13:58,800 --> 01:14:02,076 You don't deny the allegations at all? 1171 01:14:02,160 --> 01:14:04,614 No. Apart from a little embellishment, 1172 01:14:04,615 --> 01:14:06,438 they are substantially true. 1173 01:14:06,520 --> 01:14:09,398 You mean, you're not going to deny the allegations? 1174 01:14:09,480 --> 01:14:10,799 Why should I? 1175 01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:13,269 - Everybody else has. - That's their problem. 1176 01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:16,079 - That's telling 'em, girl. - Go it, madam. 1177 01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:20,952 Wait a minute. Let's get this straight. 1178 01:14:22,040 --> 01:14:25,214 Is it true or false that you actually had an... 1179 01:14:25,215 --> 01:14:28,388 affectionate encounter with the Prime Minister? 1180 01:14:28,480 --> 01:14:30,471 True. I remember it quite well. 1181 01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:32,913 I don't always remember everyone I have 1182 01:14:32,914 --> 01:14:35,031 an affair with, but I remember him. 1183 01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:37,076 He was very charming. 1184 01:14:37,160 --> 01:14:39,264 He sandwiched me in between a cabinet 1185 01:14:39,265 --> 01:14:41,312 meeting and a visit from the unions. 1186 01:14:41,400 --> 01:14:43,516 Of course, he was a little distracted. 1187 01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:45,113 I bet he was. 1188 01:14:45,200 --> 01:14:46,758 A bit? Ha, ha. 1189 01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:48,796 So would I be. 1190 01:14:48,880 --> 01:14:49,949 Do you mind? 1191 01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:53,350 What about the other people mentioned in the press? 1192 01:14:53,440 --> 01:14:55,609 Oh, they were all a bit distracted. 1193 01:14:55,610 --> 01:14:57,115 Busy people usually are. 1194 01:14:58,840 --> 01:15:00,478 - Really? - That is why, 1195 01:15:00,560 --> 01:15:03,677 on occasions, I have to resort to variations. 1196 01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:06,695 Do you realise what you're admitting? 1197 01:15:06,696 --> 01:15:07,696 Yes. 1198 01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:09,210 Would you like to take this 1199 01:15:09,211 --> 01:15:11,196 opportunity to express your regrets 1200 01:15:11,280 --> 01:15:13,271 - over these affairs? - Non. 1201 01:15:13,360 --> 01:15:15,510 You don't deny them and you don't regret them? 1202 01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,716 Yes, I don't. 1203 01:15:17,800 --> 01:15:20,394 Do you have a sense of right and wrong? 1204 01:15:20,480 --> 01:15:21,799 Oh, yes. 1205 01:15:21,880 --> 01:15:24,348 - Then you'll admit you did wrong? - No. 1206 01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:26,706 Have you no qualms about the fact that your 1207 01:15:26,707 --> 01:15:29,230 actions are likely to bring down the government? 1208 01:15:29,320 --> 01:15:31,993 - That's very unlikely. - Really? 1209 01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:34,285 The papers omitted to mention I'd given 1210 01:15:34,286 --> 01:15:36,710 equal time to the Leader of the Opposition. 1211 01:15:36,800 --> 01:15:39,147 He sandwiched me between a meeting of 1212 01:15:39,148 --> 01:15:41,555 the shadow cabinet and a game of golf. 1213 01:15:41,640 --> 01:15:43,517 I bet he kept his eye on the ball. 1214 01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:47,229 Must be the only man who got a hole in one on the 19th. 1215 01:15:48,920 --> 01:15:50,512 But why? 1216 01:15:50,600 --> 01:15:54,195 Why did you, an ambassador's wife, do all this? 1217 01:15:54,280 --> 01:15:58,159 Can you think of any better way of winning friends for your country? 1218 01:15:59,880 --> 01:16:00,880 Look... 1219 01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:06,151 Do you share the philosophy of certain other ladies 1220 01:16:06,240 --> 01:16:09,391 who have said that by making love to many people, 1221 01:16:09,480 --> 01:16:12,836 they are expanding the frontiers of human relationship? 1222 01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:14,353 No. This is... 1223 01:16:14,440 --> 01:16:15,475 How you say? 1224 01:16:15,560 --> 01:16:17,915 Bullshit. 1225 01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:21,794 What about your husband? 1226 01:16:21,880 --> 01:16:23,598 Oh, he thinks it's bullshit, too. 1227 01:16:30,760 --> 01:16:32,398 What... what are you doing? 1228 01:16:32,480 --> 01:16:33,833 You talk too much. 1229 01:16:34,920 --> 01:16:36,592 We'll cut it there, ok? 1230 01:16:37,640 --> 01:16:39,153 It's live? 1231 01:16:39,240 --> 01:16:41,378 Whose bloody idea was that? At least 1232 01:16:41,379 --> 01:16:43,631 cut it off the one for the States, ok? 1233 01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:47,429 It's going out now, on satellite, worldwide with translations? 1234 01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:52,069 Good night. What do you think you're doing? 1235 01:16:53,160 --> 01:16:55,515 Good... good night, everybody. 1236 01:16:55,600 --> 01:16:56,600 Thank you. 1237 01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:57,908 Cut it. Cut it. 1238 01:16:58,000 --> 01:16:59,752 What are you doing? 1239 01:16:59,840 --> 01:17:01,671 Cut. Cut to the commercial 1240 01:17:01,760 --> 01:17:03,716 Cut, cut. Cut to the commercials. 1241 01:17:10,080 --> 01:17:12,036 At least it won't hurt the ratings. 1242 01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:20,031 Theodore? 1243 01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:21,519 Theodore. 1244 01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:22,635 What are you doing? 1245 01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:24,199 Nothing, Mother. 1246 01:17:24,280 --> 01:17:27,158 You're not doing anything naughty to yourself, are you, 1247 01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:29,515 like that disgusting boy in that novel? 1248 01:17:29,600 --> 01:17:32,194 No, Mother. 1249 01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:36,478 Well, I've got some lovely steamed chicken, 1250 01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:41,190 and mashed potatoes with butter and parsley and herbs for you. 1251 01:17:41,280 --> 01:17:43,396 I'm not hungry, Mother. 1252 01:17:43,480 --> 01:17:45,550 But you haven't eaten for days. 1253 01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:48,676 You're not on hunger strike, are you? 1254 01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:49,909 Yes, Mother. 1255 01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:52,355 What, because of that dreadful girl? 1256 01:17:52,440 --> 01:17:54,590 Yes, Mother. 1257 01:17:54,680 --> 01:17:57,558 Then half the country must be starving. 1258 01:17:57,640 --> 01:17:59,385 Don't you understand? I loved 1259 01:17:59,386 --> 01:18:01,792 Emmannuelle. I can't live without her. 1260 01:18:01,880 --> 01:18:03,074 But... 1261 01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:05,116 I can't do anything right. 1262 01:18:14,640 --> 01:18:16,596 I'm going to shoot myself. 1263 01:18:16,680 --> 01:18:19,478 Oh, no, no, darling. 1264 01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:22,028 I must. I'm a failure. 1265 01:18:22,120 --> 01:18:25,635 You're all that Mummy's got now that Daddy's gone. 1266 01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:28,029 I'm a complete failure. 1267 01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:31,399 No. 1268 01:18:35,640 --> 01:18:37,710 I told you I was a failure. I missed. 1269 01:18:39,360 --> 01:18:41,590 Mummy's little teddy. 1270 01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:45,155 Ninety-nine. 1271 01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:46,559 Ninety-nine. 1272 01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:48,596 Ninety-nine. Ninety-nine. 1273 01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:51,274 - Say "ninety-nine." - Ninety-nine. 1274 01:18:51,360 --> 01:18:52,952 Ninety-nine. 1275 01:18:53,040 --> 01:18:56,133 I see. This stems from the unfortunate 1276 01:18:56,134 --> 01:18:58,751 accident with that church spire. 1277 01:18:58,840 --> 01:19:00,592 Yes, you got the point. 1278 01:19:00,680 --> 01:19:02,875 No, you got the point. 1279 01:19:02,960 --> 01:19:07,238 And you're finding it difficult to make love to your wife. 1280 01:19:07,320 --> 01:19:09,276 Yes. Can you help me? 1281 01:19:09,360 --> 01:19:11,669 You want me to make love to your wife? 1282 01:19:11,760 --> 01:19:15,116 Ah... no, certainly not. I want you to help me to do it. 1283 01:19:15,200 --> 01:19:16,758 Jolly good. 1284 01:19:16,840 --> 01:19:18,796 Please drop your trousers. 1285 01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:23,038 I'm quite sure 1286 01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:26,635 your condition is psychological, not pathological. 1287 01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:31,589 There is absolutely no reason why you cannot enjoy a perfectly 1288 01:19:31,680 --> 01:19:33,716 normal relationship with your wife. 1289 01:19:33,800 --> 01:19:37,315 But I've tried and tried. 1290 01:19:37,400 --> 01:19:40,756 And you can't raise any enthusiasm. 1291 01:19:40,840 --> 01:19:42,398 I can't raise anything. 1292 01:19:44,840 --> 01:19:46,796 You seem to have the right equipment. 1293 01:19:46,880 --> 01:19:48,313 You're very kind. 1294 01:19:49,680 --> 01:19:52,797 Oh, doctor, your hands are very cold. 1295 01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:53,880 Sorry. 1296 01:19:57,040 --> 01:19:58,040 Cough. 1297 01:19:59,320 --> 01:20:01,151 Yes. As I thought. 1298 01:20:01,240 --> 01:20:03,196 It's all in your mind. 1299 01:20:03,280 --> 01:20:04,633 Are you sure? 1300 01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:06,870 I'll prove it. Nurse. 1301 01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:09,793 Wait a minute. I've got nothing on. I am not decent. 1302 01:20:09,880 --> 01:20:13,634 She's a nurse. She is used to seeing things like that. 1303 01:20:15,400 --> 01:20:17,231 Open your coat, please, nurse. 1304 01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:25,398 Thank you, nurse. 1305 01:20:27,040 --> 01:20:28,393 You see. 1306 01:20:28,480 --> 01:20:31,916 There's nothing wrong with you. You're making a fuss 1307 01:20:32,000 --> 01:20:35,629 - about such a little thing. - I would not say that. 1308 01:20:43,920 --> 01:20:45,876 You will catch a cold in your eye. 1309 01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:47,916 It is incredible. 1310 01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:50,514 - What is? - She must be in a very bad way. 1311 01:20:50,600 --> 01:20:52,556 What is it? Who's she got in bed now? 1312 01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:55,518 You'll never believe me when I tell you. The ambassador. 1313 01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:57,238 - Which one? - Her husband. 1314 01:20:58,280 --> 01:21:01,955 Oh. Well, I suppose a change is as good as a rest. 1315 01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:06,875 That was wonderful, darling. 1316 01:21:06,960 --> 01:21:09,349 Think nothing of it. 1317 01:21:09,440 --> 01:21:13,149 It's good exercise. It builds up the lumber. 1318 01:21:13,240 --> 01:21:15,310 And your rectus abdominus. 1319 01:21:15,400 --> 01:21:17,356 - I'll tell you something else. - What? 1320 01:21:17,440 --> 01:21:19,396 It's a lot better than pumping iron. 1321 01:21:22,560 --> 01:21:27,111 I've never stopped taking my pill since... since I left school. 1322 01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:33,553 Well, the pill is only 99.99% safe, you know. 1323 01:21:33,640 --> 01:21:37,519 I'm afraid you are the unlucky 0.001. 1324 01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:39,556 I've never heard of that before. 1325 01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:41,710 I mean, I don't mind becoming a mother, 1326 01:21:41,800 --> 01:21:44,951 so long as it doesn't interrupt with my love life too long. 1327 01:21:45,040 --> 01:21:47,637 I would respectfully suggest that a few 1328 01:21:47,638 --> 01:21:50,558 months lay-off might do you a world of good. 1329 01:21:51,760 --> 01:21:54,433 It might do the world a world of good, too. 1330 01:21:56,760 --> 01:22:00,673 Well, that's it, then. I think we should celebrate. 1331 01:22:00,760 --> 01:22:03,149 Why not? Let's go behind the screen. 1332 01:22:03,240 --> 01:22:04,240 For why? 1333 01:22:04,241 --> 01:22:07,390 To celebrate. I've been reading all about how naughty you are, 1334 01:22:07,480 --> 01:22:10,438 and I'm thinking, we both can be naughty together. 1335 01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:13,239 How dare you? I am a married lady. 1336 01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:18,600 Nurse? 1337 01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:21,192 Coming, doctor. 1338 01:22:21,280 --> 01:22:24,556 - Emile, I have some news for you. - Yes? What is it, darling? 1339 01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,393 What would you say to an addition to the household? 1340 01:22:27,480 --> 01:22:31,792 Oh, no, no, no. We already had the inflation. Everything's going up. 1341 01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:34,229 There's Loins, Mrs Dangle, Leyland. 1342 01:22:34,230 --> 01:22:36,317 Even old Richmond's had a rise. 1343 01:22:36,400 --> 01:22:39,949 I am talking about a baby. I am pregnant. 1344 01:22:40,040 --> 01:22:42,634 Oh, I feel faint. I must sit down. Oh. 1345 01:22:42,720 --> 01:22:46,759 Oh, I've come over queer. I'm going to be a father. Oh. 1346 01:22:46,840 --> 01:22:50,037 - You don't mind? - Mind? I think it's wonderful. 1347 01:22:50,120 --> 01:22:53,476 So do I, but I don't understand how I get a baby on the pill. 1348 01:22:53,560 --> 01:22:55,596 I have a confession to make to you. 1349 01:22:55,680 --> 01:22:58,197 I wanted to be the only man in your 1350 01:22:58,198 --> 01:23:00,435 life and I thought, motherhood. 1351 01:23:00,520 --> 01:23:01,698 Motherhood? 1352 01:23:01,699 --> 01:23:05,230 A devoted mother doesn't have time to dally. 1353 01:23:05,320 --> 01:23:06,996 What are you telling me? 1354 01:23:06,997 --> 01:23:10,155 When you were asleep, I took your pills away. 1355 01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:12,160 But I haven't stopped taking them. 1356 01:23:12,161 --> 01:23:14,028 You thought you were taking them, 1357 01:23:14,120 --> 01:23:16,589 but I got a chemist friend of mine to make up a 1358 01:23:16,590 --> 01:23:18,955 substitute and slotted them into your packet. 1359 01:23:19,040 --> 01:23:21,110 - Oh la la. - You are angry? 1360 01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:25,910 No. So all the time I have been taking some harmless pills. 1361 01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:28,719 They weren't exactly harmless. 1362 01:23:28,800 --> 01:23:31,792 - What were they? - They were fertility pills. 1363 01:23:35,680 --> 01:23:37,636 Hip hip... hooray. 1364 01:23:37,720 --> 01:23:39,756 Hip hip hooray. 1365 01:23:42,840 --> 01:23:44,637 Don't they look like their father? 1366 01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:47,029 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1367 01:23:47,120 --> 01:23:48,792 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 1368 01:23:48,880 --> 01:23:51,314 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1369 01:23:51,400 --> 01:23:52,958 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 1370 01:23:53,040 --> 01:23:55,793 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1371 01:23:55,880 --> 01:23:57,438 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 1372 01:23:57,520 --> 01:24:01,035 ♪ Sometimes I work so hard I wish she'd leave me alone ♪ 1373 01:24:01,120 --> 01:24:03,509 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1374 01:24:03,600 --> 01:24:05,272 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 1375 01:24:05,360 --> 01:24:07,590 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1376 01:24:07,680 --> 01:24:09,432 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪ 1377 01:24:09,520 --> 01:24:11,636 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1378 01:24:11,720 --> 01:24:13,551 ♪ She's out on her own ♪ 1379 01:24:13,640 --> 01:24:17,713 ♪ Sometimes it gets so hard I just don't want to go home ♪ 1380 01:24:17,800 --> 01:24:19,870 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1381 01:24:19,960 --> 01:24:21,678 ♪ She's loving all night ♪ 1382 01:24:21,760 --> 01:24:23,716 ♪ The woman is love crazy ♪ 1383 01:24:24,040 --> 01:24:25,996 ♪ Won't stop for a bite ♪